The Australia Games

Australia’s dominance at the Commonwealth Games shouldn’t come as too much of a surprise, given such stiff sporting competition as Guernsey, Nauru (population 14,000, about the average match attendance at Hull City football club) and Wales. They’ve won so many medals that surely most of the world would stand a chance of reciting the opening lines to ‘Advance Australia Fair’. They’ve won gold in gymnastics, archery, swimming, cycling, tennis, diving, shooting, weightlifting and wrestling, not to mention all the track and field events: hurdles, walking, men’s relay, discus, javelin, long jump and pole vault, plus a whole heap of para sport medals. In Nauru’s defence, they did manage to pick up two medals, both in weightlifting. Must be a lot of heavy things in Nauru.

Outside of the Commonwealth Games, let’s not underestimate Australia’s proficiency in just about everything else, and the home grown heroes they adore: Greg Norman’s dominance at golf, Jack Brabham at motor racing, Lleyton Hewitt at tennis and Dawn Fraser in the pool. There’s the annual Melbourne Cup, skiing in the Snowy Mountains and hotly contested State of Origin rugby games, not to mention their own incomprehensible Aussie Rules. The Ashes never fails to divide the English and the Australians on social grounds, while in recent years the Socceroos have developed into something much more resembling a football team, playing well despite exiting this year’s World Cup finals in the group stages. And I haven’t even bothered to go into watersports: all those windsurfers, boogie boarders and rowers. No wonder sport is referred to as ‘Australia’s national religion’. So the real question is how can any of this be possible when Australia’s population is somewhere over the 20 million mark? Using a Commonwealth comparison, England’s population is 51 million. India’s is 1.1 billion, nearly 60 times as much.

I don’t have an answer to this, by the way, in case any Delhi officials are looking into this as some kind of Commonwealth conspiracy, but it would probably have something to do with the good weather, funding for sports lessons in just about any discipline from an early age and a whole heap of space. It’s very difficult to learn the shot putt in, say, Willesden. Probably not impossible, of course, which might be why all those English hoodies learn with shopping trolleys first. And I would imagine that having an ocean on your doorstep is quite encouraging, too. When Jessica Watson (pictured) became the youngest girl to sail non-stop around the world aged 16, the rest of us weren’t too shocked to discover that she originally hails from the Gold Coast, Queensland, Australia.

But then we haven’t factored in just how inherently enthusiastic Aussies are about their sport. Nine out of the 10 highest rated shows in 2005 were all sports programmes: the year Hewitt reached the final of the Australian Open, Australia’s Makybe Diva won it’s third consecutive Melbourne Cup and Sydney played Perth in the AFL final. Heck, even Australia versus Uruguay in the football got nearly 2.5 million viewers. (As a sidenote, I should point out that the one program in the top ten that wasn’t a sports show was ‘Desperate Housewives’, and in Australia’s defence, the show was at least semi-bearable back then).

Not that the English aren’t fiercely proud about their sports stars, but Down Under, the sense of ownership is much more prominent. Even your average Joe Plummer will be able to list Aussie test cricketers from decades gone (and English ones, for that matter), and if you turn on your TV, you’ll find Aboriginal sprinter Cathy Freeman advertising the Coles supermarket's Sports for Schools campaign (pictured), or Olympic medallist Emma Snowsill plugging the Natural Confectionary Company. Can you name a British pole vaulter? I didn’t think so, but here you’ll find the golden hair of Steve Hooker pushing the sporting coverage on Channel Ten. “It’s not only who we are,” the voiceover on the ad' says, “It’s who we aspire to be.”

No one could have accused Channel Ten of impartiality during their live coverage of the games. You could read the signs early on, even before the competition had started. “Our arch rivals the English…” a deep voice was saying over a slow motion montage of athletes draped in the flag of St. George, “they’re cashed up and cocky…” But it was gymnastics commentator Daniel Ryan who stands the best chance of a knighthood for contributions to bias reporting with his gloriously one-sided devotion. “The gold rush continues!” he says, very elated at this point. “They ooze quality!” Ergh. “Lauren Mitchell, you are a superstar!” For the record, Mitchell did leave Delhi with four gold medals and one silver, but still, control yourself man.

It somewhat proves just how proudly Australian sporting achievements are received, even more so when things don't go their way. It was quite telling how the English football squad were fiercely reprimanded and their manager harangued upon their return from the World Cup finals earlier in the year despite progressing further than Australia, who returned to a heroes welcome. There might be something more deep rooted in the Australian psyche that could explain this better, perhaps something about the underdog spirit of a relatively young nation which still permeates most competitions despite the fact that they actually end up winning everything. Maybe that’s it. All I know is that Aussie sporting dominance leads to some interesting late night TV decisions, like netball and mixed squash doubles, which may be fun to play, but on television, just looks like four sweaty people going mental in a box.


AU Tube: Understanding Australian TV
‘At the Movies’ (ABC1)

The ABC movie show is a bit of an institution, comparable to ‘Countdown’ in it’s heyday, being as it has lasted in some form since 1986 with the same two presenters, Margaret Pomeranz and David Stratton. The appeal, of course, is their on-screen marriage, complete with constant squabbling and a subliminal questioning of each other’s judgement. It’s basically your parents arguing at the dinner table. I like to think of them watching the movies together and then erupting into argument over what popcorn to buy.

Stratton, a lecturer in film history at the University of Sydney, has an air of Barry Norman in his presentation style only with the added hesitancy of having to choose his words carefully for the fear of another Pomeranz-fuelled domestic. In her defence, she doesn’t vehemently disagree with everything Stratton offers, and she can at least see the virtues in gun-happy zombie yarns like Resident Evil: Afterlife before then giving every film “three and a half stars”.

Here’s a not untypical if heavily paraphrased example from Wednesday’s episode regarding Ben Affleck’s new movie The Town, and should go some way to explaining why the show works on nearly every possible level:

MARGARET: Do you know, I enjoyed it but I felt I had seen this film a zillion times before and I felt that every step of the way I knew what was going to happen and it pretty much did…
DAVID: Look, I know what you’re saying about the familiar material, but I’m fond of a good thriller and, sure, we...
MARGARET: But you’ve got to be thrilled by a thriller. You’ve got to go...
DAVID: No, I was… If I may say, I was thrilled by this… You’re right, the basic material is familiar.
MARGARET: Yes.
DAVID: But he brings a freshness to it which I think is...
MARGARET: Well, I don’t know that he does, but...
DAVID: Well, I think he does.
MARGARET: What I thought was interesting, it’s the first time I’ve seen John Hamm in a significant role after his success in ‘Mad Men’… surely we’re going to see him in bigger roles in the future.
DAVID: Probably.
MARGARET: And… I don’t think this has got anywhere near the subtext that Gone Baby Gone had. [Ben Affleck’s first film as director].
DAVID: Different kind of story. It’s not the same...
MARGARET: I think Gone Baby Gone is a much, much better film.
DAVID: It’s probably a better film and it’s a more interesting story.
MARGARET: And it’s most probably got a better actor in the central role, too.
DAVID: I don’t know that you can say that.
MARGARET: But he’s a - look, he’s a director.
DAVID: But it’s different. It’s like comparing apples and oranges. They’re different kinds of stories.
MARGARET: Well, I don’t know. You can say one film from a director is better than the other and I think his first one was definitely better than this one.
DAVID: I think this is just as well directed as Gone Baby Gone.
MARGARET: It’s just not as interesting a film.
DAVID: You think…
MARGARET: Look, three and a half stars from me.
DAVID: I’m giving it four.