Top Ten Lists. Is there anything more offensively obtrusive than some bozo compiling a meaningless list telling you how you should be spending your life? Bragging about great restaurants, hotels, and cities you will never experience (and in all likelihood they never have either), yeah, well today I am that Bozo. This ain’t no middle brow Guardian boast-athon, but a hard hitting, life affirming, quality compilation of compilations. So lie back, and let the lists lap gently at your feet.
First off, my Top Ten Best Things (generally).
1. The Piano
2. Literature
3. Alcohol
4. The Wheel
5. Electricity
6. Marijuana
7. The Lychee
8. Blurry edged flashbacks/dream sequences in T.V shows/films
9. School Uniforms (You know what I mean)
10. Crispy strips of Mongolian Lamb
So, impressed yet? If you are, then don’t be, you’re too easily impressed, you ain’t gonna get anywhere in life being so easily pleased, stopping to marvel at the reflection in every puddle, “cos, man, it’s so beautiful’” Get real. And if you’re not impressed yet, my reply is two-fold. First, why not? That is a fucking quality list, get real. Second, you just wait for the lists awaiting you below; they will blow your socks off.
The Top Ten list of Top Ten Lists.
1. The Top Ten Best Things (generally). N.b see above, it is a fucking quality top ten list.
2. The Top Ten Albums. (1.Highway 61 Revisited – Bob Dylan, 2.Born to Run – Bruce Springsteen, 3.Dark Side of the Moon – Pink Floyd, 4. Kind of Blue – Miles Davis, 5.Who’s Next – The Who, 6.Exile on Main Street – The Rolling Stones, 7. Revolver – The Beatles, 8.OK Computer – Radiohead, 9. The Black Album –Jay Z, 10. London Calling – The Clash)
3. The Top Ten Coolest Animals. (1.Cats. 2. Dogs. 3. Penguins. 4. Puffins. 5. Seals. 6.Pigs. 7. Bears. 8. Sloths. 9. Hippos. 10. Dolphins.)
4. The Top Ten Neighbours Fitties. (1.Janea Timmins, 2. Anne Wilkinson, 3. Felicity Scully, 4. Rachel Kinsky, 5. Elle Robinson, 6. Annalise Hartman, 7. Jo Hartman, 8. Libby Kennedy, 9. Dione Bliss, 10. Izzy Hoyland. Look them up, You’ll see)
5. My Top Ten Dylan Songs, on 04/02/09, like snowflakes, no two Dylan lists are commensurate. (1. Like a Rolling Stone, 2. Blind Willie McTell, 3. Every Grain of Sand, 4. Desolation Row, 5. All along the Watchtower, 6. Born in Time, 7. I Dreamed I Saw St. Augustine, 8. It’s Alright Ma (I’m only bleeding), 9. Missippi, 10. Huck’s Tune.
6. My Top Ten Beatle Songs. (1. A Day in the Life, 2. Come Together, 3. While My Guitar Gently Weeps, 4. Something, 5. I’m Only Sleeping, 6. Tomorrow Never Knows, 7.Yer Blues, 8. I Am the Walrus, 9. In My Life, 10. Let it be – I guess McCartney should have at least one.)
7. My Top Ten U.S Presidents. (1.Washington, 2. Lincoln, 3. F.D.R., 4. Jefferson, 5. Teddy Roosevelt, 6. Wilson, 7. Jackson, 8. Madison, 9. Eisenhower, 10. J.F.K.)
8. My Top Ten List of Cheryl Cole. (1. Cheryl Cole, 2. Cheryl Cole, 3. Cheryl Cole, 4. Cheryl Cole, 5. Cheryl Cole, 6. Cheryl Cole, 7. Cheryl Cole, 8. Cheryl Cole, 9. Cheryl Cole, 10. Cheryl Cole. Kind of predictable top 3 there, but I defy you to propose anybody else.)
9. Top Ten Funny Web Addresses. (1.Powergenitalia.com, 2.IPanywhere.com, 3.Mp3shits.com, 4. Teacherstalk.com, 5. Speedofart.com, 6. Whorepresents.com, 7. Expertsexchange.com, 8. Penisland.com, 9.Accesstheraprist.com, 10. Webone.com.au
10. Kind of inevitably going to go a bit guardian on your arse here, and finish off at number ten with my Top Ten works of fiction, and outrageously, it is no particular order. 1. The Glass Bead Game – Herman Hesse, 2. The Old Man and the Sea – Ernest Hemingway, 3. Fugitive Pieces – Anne Michaels, 4. Brave New World – Aldous Huxley, 5. Jude the Obscure – Thomas Hardy, 6. Nausea – Jean-Paul Sartre, 7. Catcher in the Rye – J.D.Salinger, 8. The Great Gatsby – F.Scott Fitzgerald, 9. 1984 – George Orwell, 10. White Teeth – Zadie Smith.)
So, all listed out yet? If you have enjoyed the lists you have read here today, why not try making some of your own. Don’t send ‘em to me though, I don’t wanna hear about it, you see I just lost all my listing spirit.
2. The Top Ten Albums. (1.Highway 61 Revisited – Bob Dylan, 2.Born to Run – Bruce Springsteen, 3.Dark Side of the Moon – Pink Floyd, 4. Kind of Blue – Miles Davis, 5.Who’s Next – The Who, 6.Exile on Main Street – The Rolling Stones, 7. Revolver – The Beatles, 8.OK Computer – Radiohead, 9. The Black Album –Jay Z, 10. London Calling – The Clash)
3. The Top Ten Coolest Animals. (1.Cats. 2. Dogs. 3. Penguins. 4. Puffins. 5. Seals. 6.Pigs. 7. Bears. 8. Sloths. 9. Hippos. 10. Dolphins.)
4. The Top Ten Neighbours Fitties. (1.Janea Timmins, 2. Anne Wilkinson, 3. Felicity Scully, 4. Rachel Kinsky, 5. Elle Robinson, 6. Annalise Hartman, 7. Jo Hartman, 8. Libby Kennedy, 9. Dione Bliss, 10. Izzy Hoyland. Look them up, You’ll see)
5. My Top Ten Dylan Songs, on 04/02/09, like snowflakes, no two Dylan lists are commensurate. (1. Like a Rolling Stone, 2. Blind Willie McTell, 3. Every Grain of Sand, 4. Desolation Row, 5. All along the Watchtower, 6. Born in Time, 7. I Dreamed I Saw St. Augustine, 8. It’s Alright Ma (I’m only bleeding), 9. Missippi, 10. Huck’s Tune.
6. My Top Ten Beatle Songs. (1. A Day in the Life, 2. Come Together, 3. While My Guitar Gently Weeps, 4. Something, 5. I’m Only Sleeping, 6. Tomorrow Never Knows, 7.Yer Blues, 8. I Am the Walrus, 9. In My Life, 10. Let it be – I guess McCartney should have at least one.)
7. My Top Ten U.S Presidents. (1.Washington, 2. Lincoln, 3. F.D.R., 4. Jefferson, 5. Teddy Roosevelt, 6. Wilson, 7. Jackson, 8. Madison, 9. Eisenhower, 10. J.F.K.)
8. My Top Ten List of Cheryl Cole. (1. Cheryl Cole, 2. Cheryl Cole, 3. Cheryl Cole, 4. Cheryl Cole, 5. Cheryl Cole, 6. Cheryl Cole, 7. Cheryl Cole, 8. Cheryl Cole, 9. Cheryl Cole, 10. Cheryl Cole. Kind of predictable top 3 there, but I defy you to propose anybody else.)
9. Top Ten Funny Web Addresses. (1.Powergenitalia.com, 2.IPanywhere.com, 3.Mp3shits.com, 4. Teacherstalk.com, 5. Speedofart.com, 6. Whorepresents.com, 7. Expertsexchange.com, 8. Penisland.com, 9.Accesstheraprist.com, 10. Webone.com.au
10. Kind of inevitably going to go a bit guardian on your arse here, and finish off at number ten with my Top Ten works of fiction, and outrageously, it is no particular order. 1. The Glass Bead Game – Herman Hesse, 2. The Old Man and the Sea – Ernest Hemingway, 3. Fugitive Pieces – Anne Michaels, 4. Brave New World – Aldous Huxley, 5. Jude the Obscure – Thomas Hardy, 6. Nausea – Jean-Paul Sartre, 7. Catcher in the Rye – J.D.Salinger, 8. The Great Gatsby – F.Scott Fitzgerald, 9. 1984 – George Orwell, 10. White Teeth – Zadie Smith.)
So, all listed out yet? If you have enjoyed the lists you have read here today, why not try making some of your own. Don’t send ‘em to me though, I don’t wanna hear about it, you see I just lost all my listing spirit.
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