A zoo-bound joey spots Santa on his Christmas run being led by six old kangaroos (‘white boomers’), and because ol’ Nick is in a particularly giving mood, he decides to extend his stay Down Under an extra day to help reunite the baby with its mother. “The last they saw was Santa heading northwards from the sun/the only year the boomers worked a double run.”
Williamson’s Christmas Day revolves around the pressure of getting everybody to pay attention long enough to take the family photo. The grandkids are surprised to see Santa’s big black boots “in the back of Jacko’s ute”, the ladies do the cooking while the men play cricket. Then a goanna runs up a gum tree (this happens a lot in Williamson songs), feeding on leftover chook and cake. And if you were wondering, yes, they do take the photo in the end. But, “hang on Dad, where did Sam go?”
I went to a Paul Kelly Q&A recently where the singer-songwriter discussed his autobiography and explained in detail this particular Christmas commission. “I’ve got one,” he said to the producers, “but it doesn’t have a chorus and it’s set in prison.” The lamenting story of a prisoner writing to his brother about missing his family at Christmas time would go on to become Kelly’s biggest hit. “I guess the brothers are driving down from Queensland and Stella’s flying in from the coast,“ he sings, “They say it’s gonna be a hundred degrees, even more maybe, but that won't stop the roast.” The pressing concern is who will make the gravy in his absence? “I bet it won’t taste the same.”
A bush poem from 1948, here’s a not untypical romantic verse regarding three Aussie drovers, who herd sheep and cattle at Christmas time through “dry summer heat” with “smoke on the yellow moon”, when they spot a “starry lustre blazed on high/Still echoed on the heavenly strain,” and recognising religious iconography when they see it, start up a chorus of ‘Noel’ as they continue their amble. It’s the Wise Men parable ascribed to Australia’s most cherished and inspiring image of the brave, pioneering stockman in a vast and insurmountable wilderness, a vision which was channelled by a number of poets during the age like the equivalent of Wordsworth’s daffodil.
A staple summer Christmas to the tune of Jingle Bells: “Kelpie by my side/Singing Christmas songs/It's summer time and I am in my singlet, shorts & thongs.” You might need your Strine dictionary to work out what on earth Bucko & Champs are going on about, particularly with talk of swaggy climbs and kelpies. But you get the idea. All together, then: “Jingle bells, jingle bells, Christmas time is beaut’/Oh what fun it is to ride in a rusty Holden ute.”
I see that Channel 4 are showing Carrie in the early hours of Boxing Day. That's like putting The Exorcist on Good Friday. Carrie's blood curdling tale of bitter retribution succeeds a seemingly unremarkable folly of programming, the best of which seems to be a new ‘Poirot’, a new ‘Doctor Who’ and the obligatory ‘Eastenders’ special. To be fair, that’s the only episode of the show I’ll actually watch. Let’s hope the producers have taken Channel 4’s lead in turning bullied Billy Mitchell into some possessed Carrie-like devil child, exacting his bitter vengeance against all of Walford by spewing his guts in the Queen Vic. More potatoes, Gran?Australia’s 7Two have been showing a run of Christmas Specials. I was quite excited to see a ‘Jonathan Creek’ special featuring Bill Bailey until it quickly became apparent that it was made in 2001. The mobile phones were a dead giveaway. Continuing the bygone theme, this Christmas Day they’re showing ‘One Foot in the Grave’, ‘Keeping Up Appearances’ and - I’m not making this up - ‘Love Thy Neighbour’. The popularity in this country for dead 70s Britcoms is quite baffling. The still resonating appreciation for ‘The Goodies’, in particular, is quite perplexing.
But the big clinchers on Christmas Day will be a ‘Spicks and Specks’ Christmas special, a TV movie of ’Anne of Green Gables’ and ‘The Graham Norton Show’, which may not all be riveting, but are at least from this current millennia. And we get the Queen’s speech in the evening over here, which is just in time for the ‘Extras’ Christmas special. From 2007.
Congratulations to Kim Fredericks of 253 Formosa Road, Gumdale, who has been crowned the Brisbane East division winner of the 2010 4KQ Christmas Lights Competition, pictured above. Incorporating more than 70,000 lights, Mr Fredericks orders new bulbs in July and spends over 280 hours (nearly two weeks) preparing the display. The cost of the lights is around $30,000, while December’s electricity bill is $500. No doubt the prize money of $1000 will come in handy.
Henry and Mary Cichowski, of Kuringal Drive in Ferny Hills, have been building on their light display for seven years. “It takes me four and a half weeks to put it up,” said Mr Cichowski. But the real Christmas crackers are 70-somethings Walter and Beverley Wood of Kenmore (pictured below), who were crowned Brisbane West division champions for the 20th year in a row. Attendances at their suburban display reach upwards of 3000 people a night, with visitors travelling from as far flung locations as Lismore and Rockhampton. To put that into perspective: according to Google Maps, Rockhampton to Kenmore will take you 7 hours and 49 minutes in a car. One way.
Which thankfully leaves enough room for my favourite Christmas joke. Santa Claus goes to the doctor and says, “Doctor, I think I have a mince pie stuck up my bottom.” The doctor quickly investigates and says, “Yes, indeed you do Mr Claus, but don’t worry, I’ve got some cream for that.”
Merry Christmas.
No comments:
Post a Comment